Eclipse

Balls licked as I rub & jerk his cock. Condom rolled on with my fingers and mouth. I lick and suck, then bite & lick his nipples as he pinches mine. It's too hard, but it excites him. He moves his mouth toward my breasts so I move up, drop one into his face so he can lick and bite, while I pinch his. Then the other. He moves my hand down to his balls. I cradle and massage them. He pushes me down a bit, so I head south. Suck his balls and fondle his cock. He takes my hand off of his cock so I move my hand to his nipple and squeeze it. He guides me up then pushes on my hip so I turn around. He grabs my thigh and pulls. So I straddle him and go back down on his balls. He gently pulls on me so I sit up. I dry hump then glide over him and tease him, he puts my hand on his balls and grabs his cock. I look at the reflection of the red LED lights that are stuck along the top of my head board, reflected in the black TV screen. It looks like an eclipse. I've never noticed this before. Why? Oh, the doors to the cupboard the TV is housed in are usually closed in these situations. He grabs my ass, I continue gliding, playing with his balls, then he lightly grunts and breathes really hard, jacking off into the condom. He prefers this, finishing himself, while teased or nipples bitten or balls sucked. But today he wants my body moving over his, as I'm half lost in the image of red light.

Flake

This is of course long-neglected and there's much to say that Perhaps I will not.

But tonight, I was flaked on! Everything seemed cool- the conversation, nothing bad under his phone number, no delays in giving info, etc. But the asshole decided not to answer his door! I went to the (broken) vending machine for some water, then texted him to say I was at the door, and knocked again. No answer! I may have even seen him decide to go downstairs by the elevators as I exited them. He looked at me, passed, went toward another hall, then back and into an elevator. Maybe it was not him, but he had offered earlier to find me in the hall to direct me through the maze.

Fucker! Either way, it's bullshit and a wasted Uber. I have not had a new outcall client flake out on me in a long time. A couple of months ago, I did have a wasted trip on a repeat who walked his mom back from a show to her room, and never returned. He apparently was coked up and drunk and got alcohol poisoning. I've seen him since, during a subsequent trip out. But, typically I don't deal with this shit much anymore. Rarely advertising and screening people's numbers and such really helps that. Unfortunately, since this particular guy is from another country, there aren't many options for me to flag up his number. I will where I can.

Pretty Woman Bullshit

I fell in love with a client, and he with me...  I knew it so early, and fully believe I haven't been in love prior - at least not with the man himself, flaws and all - instead of the illusions of who I want him to be.

December 27, 2014

But this is no Pretty Woman story.  Nor a pimp pulling the wool over my eyes, nor a freeloader finding himself an easy ride.  No, it is about equal, though he has been pulling more of the weight recently.

He is a gambler, who for a few years has fallen for his tastes that most people in Vegas seem to use as well - methamphetamine.  I have indulgences of my own, but they do not include that at all.  With meth comes users of meth, some are ok, some are good people. But plenty are not, and my cozy little cocoon becomes invaded.

He has this inner discontent and loneliness that presents itself in various ways. I have discovered a jealous streak that I never had before. We have an open relationship. He has not gotten to make much use of that, but he so frequently tries... In the wrong places.  These instances I can get over, move past. If it's just sex- who cares really? Just don't lie and don't expose me to it if I am not going to join. Seems easy enough, right? He has gotten so terrified that I'm just keeping him around until I find someone better. But I don't want anybody else!!!  I am adored, I have had offers which would benefit me so much more, but I do not fucking care!  I just want him.  I wish I could feel confident of the same in him. I've always been afraid that I'm basically just a bookmark, and that his eyes are always peeled, fingers feeling for, antennae endlessly seeking out a transmission for the next best thing. Because he is never really satisfied, some hole inside, always something wrong. There is no such thing as a perfect person.

Outside of, or perhaps included with that is the scum he befriends and allows to use him up, steal from him and so on. Vegas is full of scammers and users. And I'm along for the ride as he allows these people into our home, watch the effect they have on him. And so, for over a year, we have been on a tour of Vegas's weekly apartments- eventually kicked out due to the people who we have at our place, during management's periodic attempts to clean house. Guess my ex was right, even post-relationship, living together, he *did* protect me. I had my own instance soon after going off on my own of befriending the wrong people and getting overwhelmed, which I put an end to after a few weeks. But he won't, he says he doesn't want to believe these things about people. He will even go back to hang out after we move away, no matter how much he says he's done.

So what do I do? I truly believe this is it, I will never fall in love with anyone else. Do I simplify, bail first, appear invulnerable? Talk to him and hope he is honest and that it helps at all? Do I work to get us out of this shit city to make things better? Or just wait and see what happens, allow things to potentially end in my total devastation- which would either motivate me to leave, or kill me.

Good Article

A woman whom I befriended, who is a high dollar escort, was talking to me one day about how people she's talked to have this image that she lives this glamorous, exciting life. While really, it isn't. It's a job, and to the average sex worker (who doesn't have issues with it) it's similar to how average people see themselves and their job
 She has a boyfriend, as do I, and a life and interests outside of what she does for money.

https://www.vice.com/read/a-sex-worker-explains-how-to-talk-to-sex-workers-520

Today You Don't Exist

The golden rule reversed, treat as being treated. Sure, my questions answered, and mostly I am being crazy. And yet, it became obvious that I am more invested, hanging onto impossible hopes. My insecurity and my loneliness however remain unacknowledged. Perhaps this is all payback for my past... The little white lie, that I only had to say once, because why repeat yourself? Why think that anything has changed unless I say so? But it isn't that he thinks that way at all- as I accidentally stumbled upon evidence last night. One thing I wanted to hear, that can be said ten or more times over the course of a conversation to another in the past, can't even be returned back at me? I feel like it's mostly been said in instances he is trying to alleviate mental guilt or out of feeling it is expected. So today, perhaps more days, I will ignore as I am being ignored. I wonder if it will even be noticed? Apologies for nothing juicy or even explanatory. I might change that, might not. no promises.

Been A While

It's been so long since I have written anything outside of ads, emails, and texts. I should change that. After all, I am online pretty consistently. No excuses. I've been at it a year straight-without a break. That means no classes or regular jobs, and certainly no vacations. So much has changed, so much is the same. I have been up all night, as I did not successfully make any plans until late at night. Seeing as I have three people who would like to see me before 1pm, ot is best just to stay awake. I have no idea how long I would be sleeping if I went to bed now! I've been sleeping so much lately, too many late nights with early mornings, then the clocks changed and suddenly it got so cold. All of those combined made a very tired Me. Better get on with my day, more to say later.

Idiots

So, my internet was off for a week and a half, and it got in the way.  But then, I started getting accustomed to dealing with regulars only.  Well, that can't always get a girl by, and certainly doesn't get rent together.  So, tonight I've posted twice, and I'm remembering how much I hate dealing with the BS, or it's reinforcing my avoidance of doing such.  So many guys lowballing, or disregarding that I asked for money straight off.  Then there are others trying to trade things like cocaine (ugh!  Like I'm not already nervous enough meeting you) or as little as ONE 1mg Xanax pill.  Come the fuck on!  I hope my night picks up, and soon.  I can't handle dealing with people for much longer this evening, I'm not in the right frame to stay up all night chasing after all of this.