Nice Guys Finish Last

As I watch the big fight scene with the Crazy 88 in Kill Bill, I remember seeing this for the first time, with the first boyfriend I had sex with, while we were stoned.  We were holding hands and watching this scene made me very aroused.  Afterward, I took his hand and led him upstairs..

Tonight, a guy who ha been looking for a regular, who has not been impressed so far with what he has encountered in this town - he says they seem not to enjoy what they do and lack personality, came to visit me.  He cancelled our date, but offered to come by an prepay me.  I met him, but I refused any money.  After all, if I took any from him, it would be wrong on my part not to be available the moment he wants to see me.  I only know for certain when one person is going to come see me tomorrow, and I have to go see someone else in the morning sometime before 11, so i can't be tied up in that way.  The man was very nice.  He's a bigger guy, and he is extremely lacking in confidence.  When he briefly spoke of his family, I saw the origin of this problem - his family.  Strict parents who have basically tossed him aside because he does not have any children.  It's so sad when people think that breeding is the only thing that makes a person worthwhile.  In a way, that's sick.  Not only is the world overpopulated, but it's horrible to be raised by people who do not want you in the first place.  He didn't like being called nice, he said, "Nice guys finish last."  I can see what he means.  Although, I prefer nice guys.  Funny that my longest relationship was with an asshole.  But I'm not the type to go for asshole guys in the first place - that ex cane across differently than what he turned out to be once we lived alone together and he wasn't concerned with keeping everyone entertained all of the time.

I have not heard from one of my regulars in quite some time.  I'm a bit concerned.  I really enjoy him.  He asked if he was my favorite, I told him that he is, and I was not lying.  He reminds me of someone on whom I have a long-standing crush, a guy that lives in Phoenix named Derek.  It's like getting to have him beside me. I let him hang out with me for a while, hours sometimes, without asking for extra for extra time.  I'm not strict with him regarding how much he pays, I've taken as little as 40 from him.  If hanging out and fucking around for a few hours for forty dollars doesn't say "favorite" - I don't know what does.

I am not making any new posts tonight.  I have tried to give myself a cutoff time the last few nights, but haven't really been sticking to it.  Maybe I should have posted, as answering my emails and responding to a few ads brought me nothing, but oh well.  I can't waste the whole day asleep tomorrow, I have a few people who want to see me throughout the day, other than the people who already have set deadlines.